When days turn into weeks...

Mood: not sure

Today has been one big blur, I guess it doesn't help with the weather being the way it is, all dark and grey. I woke up this morning and being so dark as it were, I thought it was about 0700, after looking at the clock, it was actually 0930. I was still feeling pretty tired and sleepy, so I kind of just went through the day in a daze. I did work a little on my personal project and almost got through the 60's, but there is still a lot of music to look up.

Later, in the middle of April, I have to look into getting new hard drives for my computer. I think I'm down to about 5 gigs again. I don't know how much longer my drive is able to keep going at that capacity.

Tonight, I finally went grocery shopping, was out of food. At the local grocery store, they started carrying Ramune soft drinks. I know I mentioned this in an earlier entry, but I just had to mention it again.

It's been about a week and I'm still having trouble getting a good nights sleep. I don't know what could be causing this, I wonder if its because of the neighbors downstairs, some issues with ghosts in my past, because of not being able to release my stress or because of something deeper and darker than I realize what it maybe. Whatever maybe causing it, I have to try to get a good nights sleep soon or else it'll effect my work performance and my attitude at work and socially, if I didn't have to deal with people or do the type of work that I do, I wouldn't have to think about it.

Most of the time, making journal entries help me calm my spirit and my mind, but there are somethings that writing or entering journal entries don't help, neither does talking about it. I'll figure something out.

Till then, I hope that all who reads these entries stay well and stay safe.

What ever happened to yesterday?

Mood: not sure

Today I lost track of time, it seems like the days are just running together. I haven't been sleeping very well and am not sure why. I've been trying to keep myself busy when I'm not at work so I won't get depressed. What i've been doing is looking up all the songs that I have and putting in dates as well as the original album that the song was first released on.

It may take a while since I have a lot of songs, songs that bring back memories of certain days, times, places and people. When I was younger, back in grade school, I used to keep a kind of journal of the different songs that I liked. As far back as I can remember, music has always been a part of my life. There hasn't been a time when I didn't listen to a song or the radio.

If anything else, music has been the one and only constant thing in my life. In a way, it kind of sounds like a song by Hellen Reddy called Angie Baby, the only difference is that the song is about a female.

Well, I'll keep this entry short and follow up with a new entry for tomorrow. Stay well and stay safe.

and the Faithful shall triumph...

Mood: not sure

There are times when I dream about being back in the times of my ancestors, back in the 1700 - 1800's, oh, I know, life meant very little to some and being in the elite class meant everything and hardships were more often than not, certain aspects of those times appeal to me, especially when it comes to dealing with idiots.

There are also times that I wonder what my life would have been like if I had continued on and did join the military, at the time after graduating from high school, I thought about joining the Army and lately I've wondered what it would have been like for me to join the Marine corps. When I think back, I might have gone into Psyops, mostly because of my interest in languages and computers. In 2001, I actually went to see a recruiter to see about enlisting in the Army reserves, if I had continued, I would've been in Psyops. I also think I would have been a lifer as well, when I consider my current situation, it would have been a really good choice.

I think that if I had decided to go into the Marines, I would've either gone into recon or sniper school and being able to work in a solitary manner, I think I would've fit right into that MOS. As several of my friends know, I am able to sleep in any condition, in any environment and also able to function with very little sleep. I don't have any objections to eating anything and can survive on just about anything if I had to. Another thing that would've made me a really good candidate would be also my martial arts skills, but I'm not saying what kind of skills or which art I've studied.

It wasn't too bad of a day at work, but some of the work ethics of my "co" workers are really starting to get on my nerves. At work, there are people that complain about some people that don't do the work that their supposed to, but when it comes to themselves they do exactly the thing that they complain about. Today, there was an issue that a person was dealing with and all they do is open tickets, but when it comes to following up on it as to why its not doing what its supposed to do, they leave it the way it is and let the other people deal with it, which makes more work for others, but why should they care, its not them, right?

Another issue is on certian days its really busy with a lot of people calling in because of the issues their having either equipment, signons or network, on those days, I end up taking the most calls and no one else comes even close to the number of calls that I take, not by 30 to 50 calls. All their concerned about is not having to answer the phones because their "working" on issues of equipment, so they have at least 130 tickets opened or worked on open tickets and basically said "screw the people calling in". Then they wonder why people either complain about them or why the others don't help them out with updates.

The updates can wait! You try dealing with someone that was waiting on hold for about 15 to 30 minutes and there are about 10 to 15 people waiting to talk to someone because either their having equipment issues or are unable to login or whatever that will hold them back from doing their work. At that point the users are pretty pissed off and for the person that answers the phone, has to deal with them.

Anyway enough of that... now for something a little more pleasent, I find that by keeping a journal helps me deal with these things and also coming home to Samantha... Well anyway, I'll end my journal here, I hope that those who read my journal stay safe and stay well...

What day is this?

Mood: not sure

Well, another holiday has come and gone and the idiots below me are really getting on my nerves, as well as the other residents here. The thing is, most of them come to me thinking that I can do something about it. The reality is, I can't. Although I might just do something soon if they don't cut out their thumping and fighting.

Last night, at about 0300, they were yelling at each other, AT 0300 IN THE MORNING! They need to get a clue, I'm really getting upset and about ready to keep them up all night for the next week, also I'll be talking with the rental office. I already called the police on them once when they were really screaming at each other. I'm sure they knew who called. Normally I don't like to swear, but lately when I've been getting really upset, I've been swearing a lot, but Sh**, grow the F*** Up you little S***s!

You want to play grown up and have a child, live in on your own and live with each other, then why don't you F***ing act like F***ing adults. Have some F***ing consideration for the other F***ing people that also live around you. I'm really getting to the point as to where I just want to go down there and slap them silly to see if that'll make a difference.

Anyway, other than them, it was a pretty quiet day, worked my overtime shift, not very many people on the roads, those who were, were driving like idiots.

I know that I hold a lot of emotions in and at times I just need to find a way to let them out, but I feel that I don't know anyone that I'm really close with that I could. I should start going to the health club real soon so that I can work out these issues or it'll eat me up or I just might go on my impluses and deal with the idiots downstairs, which wouldn't be good...

I guess all in all, I'm just a social introvert and at times I just wished that I was a social extrovert like some of the people that I know, but I've been this way for so long, I wouldn't know how to act or deal with people. I guess that's one of the reasons why I enjoy working as a reserve police officer, I can act like a social extrovert (or as some people might see it as being a jerk) and not have to worry about it or really think about it.

The other thing is to get deep into my music, with music, I can loose myself and not have to deal with reality (yes, I know that's not a good way to deal with things, but growing up, that's all I had as a constant in my life).

Well, enough for now, I hope that everyone stays safe and stays well.

Too much of a good thing...

Mood: a-ok

Well, after getting my new mp3 player, I've been hitting the mp3 newsgroups pretty hard, mostly the 80's and the the 70's. Well, after finding a lot of songs that I enjoyed during those times, I ended up filling my hard drive and bringing it down to about 3 gigs, which XP decided to choke... during the retrieval of a song that I wanted, my computer rebooted itself and it did this several times.

At this point, I knew that I had ran out of space. I was able to boot into safe mode and ended up having to delete some other files... Ok, I admit it, video files, and we'll just leave it at that. There was about 5 gigs of those which cleared up enough space to boot normally back into windows. Well, needless to say, I went right back at it again and started downloading songs again.

I tried to keep track of how much space I had left, which was still going down. At this point I was about ready to go out and get a new, larger hard drive with the back up funds that I had. One thing for sure, good thing I found all the songs that I wanted... so far...

Well, my good mood on Friday didn't last very long, I was getting upset with calls coming in... what didn't help was that the dingbats that live in the apartment below me feel that it is their sworn duty to pound on the ground so that the whole apartment complex know that their home.

I just don't get it, for a couple that hate each other so much and fight all the time that they still live together. Their not married and it doesn't seem that they have jobs that they could support the both of them and their child. The other thing that I don't understand is why bring up a child in such an environment.

Also the other residents that live around the apartments just don't seem to care about the place that they live. If it were up to me, I would be watching those people and kick them out, secretly, I would like to just slap them upside the head when they do this stuff at night... and for those that decide to sell and use drugs around the area, people just might be hearing some loud noises and finding those people the next day in a broken heap in the parking lot.

Well anyway, I'll step off my soap box... Stay well and stay safe...

No good deed goes unnoticed...

Mood: a-ok

Well, today I did my good deed for the year, while on a break from work, I was standing outside when a couple was walking by and stopped to ask where they could find some assistance with bus fare through a charity group.

I gave as much information as I could, informing him as to where the locations were in Minneapolis, after my instructions he thanked me and started on his way, his companion walked up to me and in a somewhat hushed tone, asked if I could help them out. I thought about the question for a couple of seconds and could see that they could use the help and my feelings about them were that they were being honest in their request, so I pulled out a $20 that I had taken out of the ATM earlier during the day and gave it to her.

I know, I know, they may have been lying, but I figured that my gestures are of honorable intentions and that anything that you do come back to you (yes, I do believe in karma). However, if their intentions were not, then it'll come back to them 3 fold.

I've been looking into having one of my pen-pals come over to the U.S. from Russia. The information is pretty easy to find if your experienced with the net and know exactly what your looking for. I found the information and also the form that I need to fill out which I'll do at home (yes, I am at work as I write this).

I emailed them asking for their last names and addresses, I'll have to email them again getting all the information that is requested on the form before I decide which one of them I would like to come to the states, not only that, but I'll find out who is serious and if they are just trying to scam me.

Lately, I haven't been able to sleep very well, I've noticed this because I've been finding my bedding items all over the room and this morning I found myself sleeping on the floor next to the bed. When I finally did get back into bed, Samantha decided to sleep at the foot of the bed, I found out when I moved my foot and tapped her. Apparently she stayed there for the next hour or so, because when I finally did decide to wake up and get out of bed, she had moved over to her own bed.

On the down side, I've been finding myself thinking back to someone that left my life and tore me up emotionally. I don't know why I still think of her or even care... but anyways, upward and onward.

Oh, I was reading the Honolulu Advertiser online and found out that Legislature is deciding on not having the Honolulu Police Officers pay state tax, the reason behind this is so that they can attract more officers and retain them because of cities that are about the same size of Hawaii that pay about 20 percent more. If this goes through, I would really seriously work towards going back home and apply with the Honolulu Police department.

Well, I guess that's it for now, stay well and stay safe.

and the word is... Oh Joy...

Mood: happy

My new mp3 Player finally arrived, a brand new Creative Zen Micro 5 GB mp3 player. I also have a MuVo TX FM mp3 player as well, I'll keep the other MuVo TX and use it for either transporting large files or just for working out. The other thing that is making me happy is that I also went grocery shopping and picked up Ramune soft drink.

If anyone doesn't know what that is, it's a popular summer soft drink in Japan, the bottle has a glass ball stopper and to open the bottle, it comes with a plunger to push down the glass ball down (which is being held in place by the pressure of the carbonation of the drink). In Japan, you have to finish the drink at the stand that you bought it from because the vendor takes the bottle back to the plant to have the bottles refilled. The flavor of the Ramune is like a melon soda.

It may sound unusual, but I like it better then Pokkari sweat, contrary to what the name is, its a yogurt flavored drink. There are a couple of other refreshments from Japan that I miss, but I try to make do with the ingredients that I can find and try to duplicate it as close as I can.

Today went pretty well, all I did was relax, watch TV and wait for the UPS guy to bring my package. For some reason this morning, I woke up at 0600 and was tired all day, finally fell asleep at around 1600 for about an hour or two after my package arrived.

I do have to go into work tomorrow for my regular shift, I did get called into work for some overtime yesterday so I'm looking forward to my next paycheck, that should give me some extra spending money that I'll try to save or use some of it to get new hard drives for my computer. I'm currently down to about 5 gigs worth of space... not much working room, also I may also put some towards a new DVD RAM drive...

I've been trying to catch some of that new show on adultswim called Robot Chicken, pretty twisted if you ask me, but then again, when you have Seth Green as one of the Executive Producers, it's understandable.

Well, anyway, I'll end my entry here, stay well and stay safe.

Sub Zero, Scorpion and Baraka all rolled into one...

Mood: not sure

I can identify myself with each character that I have mentioned in my title, if your not familiar with the names, they are the names of characters from a game called Mortal Kombat.

I'll start off explaining in what way I identify with each character, starting with Sub Zero.

Sub Zero - A ninja that has mastered the element of cold. A friend once called me the Ice Man, because when an incident happens that most people would either panic or show some signs of emotion, I don't, I usually appear to be very calm and not show any kind of emotion. Most people who meet me for the first time don't know what to make of me and normally I don't smile or am animated in anyway. I usually keep calm in any situation and am able to think on my feet and react by instinct.

Scorpion - A ninja lost soul, his fighting style is very aggressive, which comes from his only one purpose, revenge. I am in a way like scorpion, a lost soul, a soul without a home, so to speak, a soul that is out of place in a sense. Like Scorpion, my fighting style is usually very aggressive with one purpose, to win. My fighting style, as I was taught, is to kill or be killed, which as a younger man was understandable, but as I grow older, my style has changed a lot. One person that I would be compared to is Yagyuu Tajima No Kami Munenori, in his younger years his quest was to become the best swordsman in Japan, but in his later years that changed, it became the quest for the understanding of the art and the pursuit of intellectual.

Baraka - His fighting style uses 2 blades that project from the back of his forearms. My fighting style is very similar to his, I believe in using 2 weapons at once, but not guns, I don't believe that there is honor in using guns, only as a last result and only one at a time, only in the movies are 2 guns used and in my opinion, is pointless and a quick way of wasting ammunition.

Reptile - His fighting style is to contantly attack and to attack quickly. At times his moves can be deceptive. This is my fighting style as well, because of my size and weight, I am pretty agile and is deceptive to those I've come up against.

I do want to mention that if at all, I don't care to get into a physical confrontation and would prefer to find a peaceful solution, but if it comes to the last resort, then physical confrontation is my last option and I prefer to win at all costs. One other thing that I would like to mention is that when it comes to my family, I will protect them from harm at any cost and if it has to come to someone losing their life, I would prefer to look them in the eyes, up close, by my own hands then to use a gun and not be personal. Once again, it's the honor of the battle.

I know that this may be an extreme idea, but I would rather not have any confrontation come to the final conclusion. Ok, enough said, I'm not crazy, as long as it stays a thought and not reality this is just a way to keep my sanity.

The Lost and Forgotten

Mood: a-ok

Well, I know that this is a bit late, but there are times when you get caught in those time passages, a place where you lose track of time. A place that time ends up standing still. A place where you live the past once again, the good and the bad.

Some people call them ghosts, some call them skeletons, but I prefer to think of them as times to reflect. I guess I would have to say that I have a lot of memories of my past that I don't share and would prefer not to share them, some of my past memories are the type of memories that most people would say to share or let them out before they cause problems, but I've been dealing with them for so long its like a favorite hat or blanket.

Yesterdays and Mondays...

Mood: a-ok

Yesterday, I ended up missing work, I must not have set my alarm correctly. I woke up when the sun was shining in my eyes and looked over at the clock and noticed that it was already 0835. So I called in for a sick day, since by the time I get ready and get out, I would've been there about an hour to hour and a half later than what my start time would be.

I spent the day just kicking back and ended up going to the store to get some change for the laundry. I supposed the day wasn't an entire loss. I also got Samantha's box cleaned out, but got lazy after that and decided to empty the trash when I get home after work on Tuesday.

I started transferring my journals over from several sources to just one, it may take a while because when I was actually writing my entries, I would write just about everyday. So, you would imagine, there are quite a few entries for December, at least 18 days worth before I started to fall behind. There is another journal that I have that has some very extremely personal and will not get published to a website.

Anyways, my daily musings should be entertainment enough to keep you either occupied or amused. Besides, if you want to read that kind of stuff, go buy a tabloid magazine, it's much more interesting and besides they talk about famous people.

So, I guess that should be it for now, not much happened yesterday so... the usual, stay safe and stay healthy...

It's a Wonderful Life...

Mood: happy

I really enjoy the work that I do, at times it maybe pretty stressful and at times it maybe frustrating, but I do enjoy working there and with most of the people that I work with. Most people usually hold back, that's because they are not sure of the new person, being cautious, like animals in the animal kingdom.

I guess the main reason that I enjoy working there is because I now have enough money (I make enough for a single person to live pretty comfortably) and to be able to buy the things that I want and to be able to pay for the things that I need. Oh sure, there are times that I wished that I was making more money, but then I realize that I don't need it that bad and more than likely it can wait and may go down in price.

I do have to admit though, currently I am at odds with the Minneapolis Police Reserve, mostly because the person that the bestowed rank unto has a power trip going and it seems as though the top brass don't care. They do complain that we don't have enough officers in the ranks, but when it comes to retention, they either are ignorant or clueless as to why they keep losing people. I was pretty upset and almost yelling at my superior, but he understood the reason behind my anger and feels somewhat the same way. Not only that, but my Lt., to whom I suggested for that rank is a weak spine turd. When it comes to confrontation and or standing up for the people under his command, he avoids the situation.

Well, enough of that. The local supermarket (Cub Foods) started increasing their ethnic foods section and started carrying items that I would normally have to travel about 30 minutes to and shop. Now I can pick up some items and for the rest I'll still have to go to the specialty market to get items that Cub Foods doesn't carry. By the way, for those of you that don't live in Minnesota, Cub Foods is a really huge supermarket (for those of you in Hawaii, think Sack N Save in Waipahu) and imagine it about twice that size.

Well, I'll be working on my personal website to update the content and appearance, not only that, but also putting up new pictures of my life here in Minnesota as well as new pictures of Samantha. I first adopted (or was it the other way around) her, she was approximately 11 - 12 months old, that was back in 1996 so she's currently approximately 10 years old. For a cat her age, she still thinks she's a kitten and still plays like a kitten. I have to mention a really cute/funny story about Samantha... One morning as I was sleeping, I was laying on my side, clutching my pillow. Samantha decided she wanted attention and that it was time for me to wake up, so she butted her head up against my face and when that didn't work, she tapped my nose with her paw a couple of times, now normally I would've been a little upset, but then I realized what she did and doing and couldn't help but laugh... That made for a great way to start my day.

Well, anyway, I have to get up early to catch the bus into work so I gotta get some sleep. I'll add a new entry tomorrow. Hope that you'll tune in then, till then, stay safe and well!

The forgotten son

Mood: a-ok

My day today was not bad, I still can't figure out why I woke up so early today. I went to sleep at around 0230 and ended up waking at about 0730 this morning. I was pretty wide awake so I turned the T.V. on and watched for a little while and then decided to try and sleep the rest of the time until I had originally set. I did get some sleep, but Samantha decided otherwise, as I was laying there, clutching my pillow with the blanket partially covering my face, Sam decided to snuggle up to my face, then decided to make sure that I had waken up, tap my nose a couple of times. I couldn't help but laugh and couldn't be mad at her at that point.

After waking up a second time, I kinda stumbled about the apartment, checked my email and got a response I had been waiting for from a pen pal in Russia, but didn't feel like replying right away. By the time I started to get ready to leave, it was approximately 1000 and finally got out the door at approximately 1030. My first stop was the Target in Fridley, I went to go look for materials to create a Terrarium.

I wasn't sure as to what type of terrarium I wanted to create so I was just aimlessly wondering about the store. Target didn't have what I was looking for so my next stop was at Bachman's garden and flower store, but again, they didn't have what I was looking for so I decided to stop at a pet shop and see if I could get ideas as to what kind of miniature landscape I wanted to create.

I've been thinking of creating either a desert landscape or a tropical theme. the desert theme would be easy, at Bachman's, I found very small cacti that would be perfect for the size terrarium I was looking at getting. The other type, a tropical theme would be a little more difficult, mostly because I want to add a waterfall and I also found a device that would create a mist/fog effect that would be very cool.

You all must be wondering "Why go through all the trouble?" Well, in the office that I work, it's pretty bland and impersonal. I wanted to add a little greenery and life to the cube that I work in. Something that would also allow me to look at and give me a calm feeling when things get a little rough while working. Something that would help me keep my sanity. My work cube is large, with a lot of desk space, very organized (compared to some of my fellow co-workers) and I wanted to add a personal/human touch to my area.

Anyway, looking around gave me a couple of ideas and some information on about the cost of creating a terrarium, but now comes the planning and figuring out the total cost.

On a different note, I decided to have a little fun at the expense of one of my co-worker, I decided since he wanted to play the prankster, I decided to decorate his monitor, nothing destructive or permanent, just added a little color and fun by adding some gummy bears that I had bought earlier when I went, still more shopping before actually the start of my shift. I'll let you all know if he notices the additions to his computer monitor.

Other than that, my day has been going pretty well, my mood has still been pretty good with the calls that come in. So far I haven't lost my cool or gotten upset with any of the callers here. For now, life is good.

I guess i'll end my journal here for now and make another entry tomorrow. Hope that all who read this have a good night and stay very well.

Putting out fire with gasoline...

Mood: chillin'

Not very many things make me nervous, but watching the way some people drive when the roads are a bit icy makes me nervous and glad that it's those times I'm glad that I'm not out in the middle of the street, directing traffic. I kind of made up a joke when I saw the way some of these drivers speed... I've asked, "Where can I get those special tires for my vehicle?" then someone would look at me in a puzzled way and then I would say "you know, those speed on icy slippery road tires, the ones that allow you to speed on icy and or slippery roads?"

You would think by now that people who live in Minnesota would be a lot more careful when driving in bad road conditions so that they wouldn't get into accidents, but they do anyway, then they can't believe that they either slid off the road or rolled their vehicles... besides, it snows every winter or rains every so often so you would think that these people would know better, but they don't.

The other thing that bothers me is that Minnesotans also like to follow the person that is in front of them on the road thinking that if they do that, it would make them drive faster, but usually doesn't, then when the driver in front of them has to stop suddenly, the plow right into the back of the vehicle in front of them... People get upset when you drive too slow or drive the speed limit, they want to drive faster than the posted speed limit. If their late, then they should know driving faster is not going to get them there faster, especially when they get stopped by a law enforcement officer or they'll never make it to their destination if they get into an accident.

Other than that, today was a good day, got to pay my bills ahead of time and also had a little extra to save. I'm going to try and save some money so that I can help one of my pen pals from Russia come to the U.S. I've been living alone for too long and my search here in Minnesota hasn't been good. I'll write more about that in my future journal entries, so keep checking back to see what I write if your interested, if not, then just check back to see how my life is going in here.

Till the next entry, stay safe and well.

California Dreamin...

Mood: a-ok

I've been living in Minnesota for about 10 years now, I moved here in April of 1995 and have been back to Hawaii once since then (by the way, I was born and raised in Hawaii with a couple of years in Colorado) and with every winter I get homesick. It used to be worse in the beginning when I first moved here.

I keep finding myself going to the Hawaii news site and reading up on whats going on there and see how things have changed. When I was there the last time, it seemed as though a lot has changed and a lot had stayed the same. I guess I got used to the fact that I never stayed in the same place for more than 9 - 12 months with the exception of when I went to high school up until the time I moved here.

At times I wonder if its just because that I live alone or because I am no longer part of the majority but a minority or because of something else that I'm not aware of. In Hawaii I was part of the Majority, to better explain what I mean, there are a lot of Japanese and people of Japanese ancestry. I believe that the Japanese population was at about 65 percent, the other Asian population made up the other 15 to 20 percent and then the rest were the Caucasians, African Americans, Hispanics and etc...

I do have friends here, but its not the same as having someone special in your life, someone that you can talk to, tell your deepest fears and secrets and to be affectionate to or to share your life with. There were a couple of times that I thought I had found the one, but it seemed that either they were not ready for the commitment or I may have pushed them away in some fashion, to which I'm the only one to be blamed.

For as long as I can remember, I've always kept my emotions bottled up inside. There are a couple of songs that I know of that mention a wall, one of them being obvious by Pink Floyd (actually they had a whole album about it), the other being by Sting, a song called fortress around my heart. Long before those songs, I knew that I had built a wall around my heart and emotions so that I wouldn't be hurt by anyone, but as mentioned before, there were a couple of times that I had broken down those walls to let them in and had gotten hurt very badly by that.

Since then, I've built my walls back up again, but not as high as they used to be. It seems that I can't put them up as high as they used to be.

On the up side of all this, I've been slowly making changes to my website, cleaning it up, streamlining the menus and having a more professional look to it, but then again, it's on a free host site so how much more professional can you get it with all those pop-ups. I would try to purchase a domain again, but because of the past history with my financial situation, it may not be up for very long. So I'll just keep it on the free site.

On another up side, I have been corresponding to 3 very lovely ladies from Russia. I know, it just maybe a money scheme, but so far, my feelings have been telling me that these women are on the level. I have come across a couple of women that were just a way of getting money, usually after about 4 or 5 letters they start asking for money. It was those women that somehow didn't feel right, so I tried to investigate it further and found out that I was right.

Well, I'll end this entry for today and will be back again tomorrow to add more again. It maybe to explain some of my earlier posts or maybe it maybe about something new... gotta keep checking back to see what or which it maybe.

What can't be said with words can be expressed through music

Mood: not sure

There are times when I can't express myself with words, I guess this is the results of not interacting with other people and just keeping to myself. However, I have found myself feeling a lot more comfortable alone and being able to interact virtually rather than in person.

Also I don't like to talk about myself or express my feelings. I guess that's why when growing up, I can identify with the Mythical Japanese Warrior, the kind of warrior that is born in the shadows, lives in the shadows and dies in the shadows, you might have guessed by now, it's who is commonly known as the Ninja or is known by another name, Shinobi. Normally I wouldn't give out all this information about myself, but I've found out recently, that writing has help relieve myself of the feelings that I've kept to myself for so very long.

I know that when people first meet me for the first time either think that I'm really quiet or unsocial able, but the truth is that I'm studying them to see what kind of person that they maybe. Now for those of you who are reading this, please don't hold it against me.

Now to explain my topic, I usually listen to a lot of music, most of the time, I listen very carefully to the lyrics and find the words and meaning to what I want to say and how I truly feel.

A really good friend and mentor once called me the Ice Man, which is why I chose the image of Sub Zero as my picture in my profile. The reason he called me that, he said, was because when ever something happened, where any other person would react in some way, I don't show any expression or reaction. I guess at times this could make a person uncomfortable or consider it unusal, but my explanation is this, once something happens, there is nothing you can do about it (unless someone develops time travel), the best thing to do is continue on and apoligize if need be or if no one has noticed, all the better.

This doesn't mean that it gives me an excuse to be dishonest, but even more so to be honest, you see I also believe in the ways of the Samurai, there is no honor in dishonesty and you only loose the respect of those who did, an honest person gains even greater respect for being honest as well as maintaining ones honor.

Where Fantasy and Reality meet...

Mood: a-ok

Today was a pretty good day, been in a pretty good mood at work lately. Not sure why, it just seems a bit more pleasant somehow... I still can't figure out why I woke up late, well, I know why, it seems that I turned my alarm off and went back to sleep, usually I wake up at approximately 0515 CST, get ready for work and leave to catch the bus at approximately 0630 CST on Mondays and Tuesdays.

I ended up having to drive into work this morning and got to work approximately 10 to 15 minutes late, I usually start at 0800 on Mondays and Tuesdays and work a 10 hour shift. On Fridays and Saturdays I start at 1230 CST and end at 2300.

Ok, now to write about my topic. While riding the bus yesterday, I started thinking (because while riding I do a lot of that) that we all have a fantasy side and a reality side, meaning we think of things that we'd like to do but never act on those thoughts because it doesn't fit the societies norms. We go about our day according to what society considers normal. For example, the person that is next to you either walking, sitting or driving could be thinking of hitting that person that either cut them off in traffic, cut in front of the line or whatever, but in reality they either just do nothing or may say something quiet enough that either the person cannot hear or just barely.

They maybe thinking of their "activities" from the night before or what they would like to do to that really good looking guy or girl if they were alone together, but keep those thoughts to themselves because the person that they are thinking of may not approve or may think of them as being "weird".

Well, I know I'm just leaving this as is, but I have to help take care of the squad cars tomorrow and make sure they go in for their monthly maintenance. So, I'll leave it at that...

All the worlds a stage...

Mood: a-ok

On my way to work today, as I was riding the bus, i've come to realize how true that saying is. I should explain what brings me to this conclusion of my own opinion, one of my hobbies is sociology, sociology, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

1 : the science of society , social institutions, and social relationships; specifically : the systematic study of the development, structure, interaction, and collective behavior of organized groups of human beings

2 : the scientific analysis of a social institution as a functioning whole and as it relates to the rest of society

Well anyway, some people appear to be friendly and genuinely interested in wanting to be your friend or get to know you and There are people that act friendly and act like they want to get to know you.
There are also people that appear to be unfriendly but prefer to keep to themselves and there are people who are just unfriendly. Anyway, while riding the bus I see the different kinds of people that get on the bus and while walking around. Most of the time its more of a feeling that I can't explain. I have been using my sixth sense more and more, it seems that while working for a local police department at a hospital, I have had to rely on my feelings. I'm not a judgemental person, but all of my feelings were confirmed while working there.

While at work today, things seemed a lot more pleasant even though it was pretty busy, not like it has been previously. At the end of my shift, I had approximately 47 tickets that I had opened for various incident, most, I believe, were for password resets. I suspect that it was much higher because I didn't open tickets for all calls I took.

After work, on my ride back home on the bus, I could feel some of the other passengers feelings, feelings of being tired and looking forward to being at home. There were some of the other passengers I could feel that were... well, lets just leave it at that.

My mothers birthday gift finally arrived which I was finally glad that it came. I'll end my journal here and try to make sure that I add more tomorrow. Here is the card she sent, what a sense of humor...

Deep thoughts, NOT by Jack Handy

Mood: not sure

Well, giving up smoking is much harder than most people would think, the cravings, the hunting for even just a little bit... I try to drink coffee, but it seems that I need something else, I don't know what that may be... I suppose deep down what I crave is a cigarette.

I've been trying to keep myself busy by either surfing the net or by watching TV, it helps for a while.

I was supposed to go into work for an overtime day, but due to my fuel situation of only having a quarter tank left and that it takes about a quarter tank to get to work from home, it would have been a one way trip... so instead I called in and informed them that I wouldn't be able to make it in that day, but I will be there on Monday. Why Monday, you may ask, it's because I have a bus pass, so all I have to do is get to the bus stop and catch the bus into work.

I ended up spending the whole day relaxing and trying to figure out how would I get just a couple extra dollars to use for gas... when I figure that out I'll let you know...

I would like to add, my thanks to Michael Robert Pintozzi for the offer, but I was waiting for an important piece of mail.

Smoking improves attitude...

Mood: irritated

Well, last night I smoked my last cigarette. I've decided that after 10 years of smoking, I'm going to try to tough it out. Now I just have to get past the 2 days that they say will be the difficult time.

It was my birthday yesterday, I didn't want to mention it to any of my co-workers, but was hoping that someone had already known what day it was. Not a chance. I was also hoping that someone would know without me having to say anything.

I suppose this is one of the side effects of quitting smoking, I've been a little more irritated, but then again, that might not be unusual.