The Out Of Place Hawaiian

Mood: not sure

I wake to the sound of the alarm clock buzz, my eyes are still closed. The cat is standing on the bed next to me crying out as if responding to each buzz that emanates from the alarm clock. I flip the covers off and the sudden realization that I am no longer back home hits me with the chill of winter. As I acknowledge the cat first, thanking her for helping out the alarm clock wake me up, then rolling out of bed and hitting the snooze bar then rolling back into bed and covering myself back up with the warm blankets and try to sleep again thinking that what is reality is actually a dream.

An hour later, the same thing, I wake to the buzzing of the alarm with the cat responding back to each buzz. I finally get out of bed to get ready for the day and the apartment is cold, even with the thermostat set at 80 degrees, the apartment is 70 degrees all over. I guess that's better than being at 65 degrees a couple of days ago. As I stumble about the apartment with the cat in tow, I begin to wonder why I ever left Hawaii and wished that I was back there now. I can feel the slight pain in my throat and my body feels weak, I think to myself "Dammit, I can't get sick". I start planning on drinking a lot of liquids and take the multi vitamin that I have sitting in the cupboard (I think I got them about a year ago, it should be still good shouldn't it?).

Well, after I got ready and down to warm up the truck, I realize that I forgot to drink more water and take that multi-vitamin, oh well, I'll get to it when I get home tonight. After sweeping the snow off the truck, it's warmed up enough to start driving to the park and ride about 10 miles away. Again, my thoughts are thinking of the warm weather there, sitting on a beach with my cooler full of drinks and a lunch, fishing pole and the line out waiting for a fish to take the bait. Even if that doesn't happen, it's a nice sunny day, listening to the waves wash upon the shore, warm sand between my toes. I've reached my destination, the park and ride. The snow covered grounds, I leave the just warmed up cab and start walking to the bus stop. Cold wind blowing, the crunch of each step as I walk through the snow.

A song starts to fill my thoughts, several songs, California ', Far too Wide for me, My Hawaii, and Honolulu City lights. The memories of my happy days, driving around the island, sitting in a park and watching all the people enjoying the day, at night, sitting in the parking lot at the beach and listening to the waves break on the shore... I can feel the cold cutting through the layers of clothing that I am wearing to protect me from the winter air.

I finally get on the bus and after taking my seat, I feign a sleep while listening to my mp3 player, thoughts that come to mind is if I had made the right choice by moving to Minnesota, what would my life would have been like if I had stayed in Hawaii or what would it have been like if I had chosen another state, like California or ? I contemplate a lot of "what if's". What I now know, if I had known then, would I have made these choices? I wouldn't be able to answer that fully without deeply thinking what the outcome maybe. I do know that there are a lot of things in my past that I would have like to change. I suddenly realize, I am a Out Of Place Hawaiian. Maybe a out of place person or soul. I don't know. All that I know and thought I knew wasn't what I had thought it may be.